Uncertainty over doing the right thing. And what does that mean anyway? That 'right' thing. Uncertainty over what I'm saying and writing makes any sense, and who am I to sit here and spout off my believed pearls of wisdom? But I do it regardless. Something is driving me to speak up. To teach. To share what I have learned so far. To share what it is that makes me come alive. I sit here and I edit this in my head as I type. I start a sentence and I delete it, unsure if I should share this tidbit or that of the mangled cobwebs in my mind. But I write anyways. 

The pendulum swings. It always does. It will continue to do so long after you and I are gone. I vow now, at the age of 34 feeling spritely and young and simultaneously the embodiment of a crazy old cat-lady, to stand in my uncertainty, to let it wash over me, to ride this wave of the unknown, the valley between the right and the left, and try to be okay with not knowing what lies ahead, or joining my choices as good or bad. It is scary to be here in this vast valley, exposed, vulnerable, but perhaps that is the lesson, perhaps that is my work now? To keep on getting up even as the uncertainty grows, even though the older I get the less I really know, but I find solace in the things I do know. That I love deeply. I feel deeply. I live fully. Everyday I strive, and that is enough. 

So what is my point? I think we can let this uncertainty paralyze us or stop us from pursuing those things that truly fill us up. Perhaps you may experience uncertainty as; fear, self-doubt or criticism, perhaps you experience it as all three. The dream to start your own business, to write your book, to quite your job, to leave a relationship, or take a leap on starting one anew lingers in your peripheral vision tempting you. Maybe you tell yourself that is a bad idea because of all the things that could go wrong? What if I fail? What if I'm not good enough? Someone else is already writing that book, someone else already started that business. That is the voice of the ego, the voice of fear.

What if we made are choices from a place of love. What if we started telling ourselves "You are good enough. You deserve to be your fullest self. You deserve to speak your truth and YES it's OK to be vulnerable for all the world to see." The challenge is to embrace it. To marinade in it and let it be scary and lean into it anyways. Believe that you are here for a reason. And that you have your own unique gift to contribute. Believe even as you stand here shaking and scared of the unknown. Believe anyways. 



Tessa TovarComment